Believe it or not, connecting with your kids is not as easy as it seems for some parents. I mean, really, it is your kids how hard can it be? Who knows your kids better than you do? There are the more obvious reasons. Well maybe I am a father and I don’t understand my daughter, we don’t like the same things. Maybe I am a mother of two boys and they like sports, I hate sports, so there is a huge connection opportunity lost. Kids, especially when they are young, want to connect with you even more than you want to connect with them.
The first thing that I feel is crucial is just your mere presence. Taking advantage of opportunities to bond and connect. There are millions of moments to do so that you don’t even realize. For instance, my father to this day has never changed a diaper in his life. Maybe that was a generational disconnect that was more acceptable then. Me and my wife, at the time, used to race upstairs to be first to change the diapers. We thought of it as a fun and great way to start bonding early. Of course sometimes we didn’t always like the prize that was awarded to the winner, especially when solid foods were introduced, but never the less.
Another classic way to connect and learn about your children is something that my ex wife taught me and that is positive circle. I added in the negative circle as well. I do this either at the dinner table or at bed time with no distraction. My boys tell me the positive things that went on in their day and what they would like to happen positive tomorrow. Then we do a round of negative circle to see what is bothering them and ways that we can turn those negatives into positives. I play the game as well. What better way to connect with your kids then listening to what is going on their little brains. You will be amazed at what comes out of their mouths.
The obvious opportunity to connect is to expose them to different things and see where their interest lies and guess what? Their new interest is now your new interest. Take that to another level. Your children love to learn about you and what you are interested in. Remember, they are craving a connection and attention just like you are. I believe they want to see you as a person as well as a Mom or Dad. One day me and my boys had what we called our B day Sunday. Everything we did started with a B. Breakfast, beach, bike riding, bowling etc. We were on our way home and my oldest boy says as if he just had a revelation, “Daddy, I feel like you really had fun with us today and you didn’t take us to these places just for us”. I still tear up when I repeat that because that was the moment he realized that I was their friend as well as their Daddy. Kids know when you are just going through the motions and ‘sacrificing’ your time. Did you ever have your spouse give in and do something just because you wanted them to and they let you know it? Husbands don’t have to think too long on that one. Well the point is that knowing the other person doesn’t really want to it makes whatever it is that much less enjoyable. Kids are the same way. They can read that situation probably better than adults.